(View into the bay from Lovers’ Point, Pacific Grove.)

And it is lovely. It takes my breath away, sometimes, even after almost a year here. But there’s more than just the lovely water and trees. First of all, the Monterey Peninsula is pretty small, both geographically and in terms of population. At around 50,000 people, it’s as populous as the several-town area I grew up (if more culturally sophisticated), and really quite a lot smaller than anywhere I’ve lived since leaving home.

(Looking back at Lovers’ Point from the pedestrian/bike path that runs around the peninsula.)

The size has both advantages and disadvantages. I think my family, when visiting, feels more at home here than they ever did near Boston. Not only is the ocean right there, just like home in Maine, but it has that friendly small-town feel, particularly to a tourist. It’s not too big to comprehend. And people are much more friendly here than in a big city, simply because we can be, I think. You see the same people as you go about your life. On the other hand, if you want something that isn’t at Target or Home Depot, you’re driving an hour and a half up to San Jose to get it. There’s one traditional movie theater and one art-house theater. There aren’t a ton of restaurants, and the ethnic food is very limited.

(Our street.)

It’s true of the whole peninsula, but especially where we live here in Pebble Beach, life has a very easy feel. I think this is simply woven through the local culture, since we have such a high percentage of retirees here. People aren’t in a hurry. Nothing is very far, and times are loosely-kept. Jon loves this. I love it too, intellectually, but my inner New Englander sometimes gets in the way of my emotional enjoyment. (Like when I’m stuck behind someone who’s only going 15 miles an hour, enjoying the scenery.)

(Spanish Bay beach, 15 minute walk from the house.)

We’re talking a lot about what we’d like to do for housing next year–our lease is up at the end of July, and we’d love to have a yard. We toy with the idea of moving out of Pebble Beach and into Pacific Grove or Carmel, which are more family-friendly, but it’s hard to think about leaving our peaceful oasis. Pebble Beach, since it’s county land owned by a corporation and very well-protected, is much more green. There’s a lot of space between houses, and no sound but the ocean when we open the windows. Pacific Grove and Carmel are much closer to the typical beach-town: houses quite close together, painted lots of fun and interesting colors. More lively, but… well, that’s it. More lively. :) Less wildlife, more noise. On the other hand, lots more families with young children if we leave PB. May we all always have such choices.

(Sunset, over rocks at Asilomar State Beach.)

Sunsets are lovely here, but honestly I miss sunrise back East. I find the beginning of the day much more quiet and calm, and that speaks to me more right now. Sunset over the Pacific is brash, warm, fiery. I really miss the quiet pre-dawn purple, the first silent peeks of light over the water (especially on a cold morning), and then warm light ushering in a new day. Call me crazy.

Jacob saw his first helicopter today. He was pretty excited about the way it looked, up there in the sky like a bug, but he hated the sound.

And then, since I don’t have any time to clean anymore, they mix in with all of the other dust already there and I blink and a month has gone by since I’ve last written.

Jacob is enjoying the rain (bagel included for scale). We’ve been getting more of it lately, which is pretty nice since it’s still also sunny almost every day. I like the variety, it reminds me of Maine. Except, you know, there are no mosquitoes. :)

We had a wonderful time hosting the Providence Herzogs here for a couple of weeks, even if the house was a bit bursting at the seams with 8 residents. Many deer and seals and otters were seen, lots of gorgeous scenery drunk in, many good meals shared. And Wednesday night, Jacob and I hop a plane to spend a 10 days or so in Maine, seeing family there. I’m really looking forward to the Maine part–not so much the traveling alone with a toddler part. But, we’ll make it through okay, I’m sure.

(Jacob loves to be tossed in the air, by the way.)

It’s still about as beautiful here as you’d expect, and I still pinch myself occasionally just to make sure it’s all real. Which isn’t to say that we don’t have our funk days, even here in paradise, of course. Life is life, no matter where you’re living it. But it’s almost always possible to take a beautiful walk and snap out of it, here. It’s a nice contrast with March in Boston, always my least-favorite month.

I’m not sure where I’m going with that, but Jon just came downstairs for our nightly TV watching so I guess I’ll sign off. Hope you’re well!

Uh, sorry about that, rest of CA. Just to show how wrong I can be, we’ve had below-freezing temperatures at night for what seems like FOREVER (but is at most two weeks). Houses here just aren’t built to handle the cold. Single pane windows and zero insulation means brrrrrrr.

Jacob doesn’t mind, so much. We’re still walking during the day, and we have finally gotten off of the waiting list (*boggles*) at the local Gymboree-type place. So we’re also going to the Padded Room of Toddler Heaven a couple of times a week. It’s called “Tots in Motion”, and it’s basically a big open space filled with padded little tubes, ramps, mazes, and trampolines. He has a blast, and I’m meeting other mothers. It’s really, really nice.

I’m generally not much for new year’s resolutions, but this year I’m striving for a better balance between being mom-Amy and me-Amy. When your “job” is with you 24-7, it’s surprisingly easy to lose sight of everything else, and I struggled with that a little bit last fall. I’m spending a lot of time knitting, and meeting other adults through that, which is really nice. And I’m getting more serious about photography, which I hope to turn into a small business. If you’d be willing to be a model for some sessions (or loan out your kid for same) to help me get better at portraiture, please let me know!

…and I leave you with a cute picture from our trip back east. Here’s me and my nephew Zachary, the other absolute cutest kid in the universe.

Hope you’re well!

Jacob is 15 months old.

(!!!)

When the hell did that happen? Seriously, isn’t he still a newborn? I mean, I remember kissing those pudgy, ill-controlled little feet like it was yesterday. And yet, probably thanks to the severe sleep-deprivation at the time, when I try to remember individual things I almost always fail. When exactly did his teeth break through? How old was he when he started waving bye-bye? Clapping? Trying to tickle me? Who knows? Not me, that’s for sure.

(Can you tell I was trying to fill out his baby book yesterday? Do you think he’ll be heartbroken if he finds out later that I mostly wrote down educated guesses?)

So here’s a snapshot of Things Jacob Does and Likes as of December 2006.

Jacob still puts almost everything he comes into contact with in his mouth. No amount of pleading, distracting, or threatening on my part can stop this.

He also likes to draw, though. He produces mass quantities of scribble in many eye-rending colors.

Being naked still tops the “fun” list, but he also enjoys pushing his little bus around making vroom-vroom noises. OH MY GOD THE CUTE.

When he’s happy about something, which is really quite a lot of the time, he does this cute little stompy-foot wavy-arm dance.

He understands that this whole tickle game is supposed to involve some running, but not that he’s supposed to run away from whoever is tickling him.

He likes sitting in big-person chairs.

Favorite toys include: The bus pictured above, his ball (“MBUHL! MBUHL! MBUHL!” says Jacob), Legos, a singing piggy bank (don’t ask), his big plastic dinosaur and roll-a-balls, his shape sorter, his xylophone and bells. He loves music and dancing, and is starting to try and hum/sing. He has 10 teeth, and we’re still waiting for the canines to appear so that we can stop getting visited by the demon-evil-twin-Jacob.

He walks, runs, kicks his ball, feeds himself moderately well, loves the outdoors, and is shy around new people. He’s very affectionate and LOVES books–both to “read” to himself and to be read to. He still signs most of the time–he seems to understand it’s more effective–but is also trying to talk a lot more these days. (Can I write this? Will I be jinxed forever if I write this?) He seems to be sleeping through the night with us. (Glory glory all praise sleeping toddlers.) He still hates to nap.

And boy oh boy, do we love him.

dadadadadadadadadadadadada…

…DaDaDaDaDaDaDaDaDaDaDaDa…

…DADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADA!!!!!

(Got that?)

*****

Anyone who has shown even the slightest willingness to let me whine at them over the last 6 months knows how tired I am of nursing. At the same time, I appreciate how important it is to Jacob and I don’t want to simply stop without any give and take. So over the course of the last three months, I’ve tried out several weaning strategies and attempts.

We started with “don’t offer, don’t refuse”, which didn’t really change anything at all. Then came offering the sippy cup instead, which worked about half the time. After a month (?) of this, I realized that what really made me loathe nursing was the impact it had on our sleep. We (mostly) night-weaned, and things got a lot better. Recently, I stopped the ’snack bar’ approach to nursing during the day and established set nurse-times for Jacob: first waking, nap times, his bedtime, our bedtime, and usually around 5am I’d give in to his pestering so that I could nab another hour of sleep. We went to Jacob’s 15-month wellness visit recently, and the doctor said “absolutely not” to sleep-feedings because of increased risk of tooth decay. So one week ago, we cut out the nursing at our bedtime. Tonight, we cut out the 5am.

And I have to say, going through all of this structure, all of these attempts, really seems to have brought into relief what nursing does for Jacob. It’s his security blanket, in a nutshell–he doesn’t suck on a pacifier, have a lovey toy or blanket, hell, he doesn’t even feel the need to stay within sight 80% of the time. But when he’s feeling crummy, when he’s in a new situation, when he’s waking up hard from a nap and is all disoriented, he asks to nurse. And when I let him nurse at these times, it’s like I’ve been visited by the magical nursing fairy in all of those Dr. Sears books. Jacob snuggles into my lap, cuddles his arms around me, and hangs out for 5 minutes or so while nursing. Then he gets up and does his own thing.

It really is one of the sweetest feelings in the world. And after all of the nursing elimination we’ve gone through, it’s incredibly lovely to have the final few nursings per day be these cuddly bonding experiences. And this leaves me in a place I would never have predicted two months ago: Am I desperate to cut these last few feedings out and wean Jacob entirely? Not at all. I’m even feeling more relaxed about the “only at naptime” rule during the day.

Color me shocked.

To here:

With no major illnesses, catastrophes, or even seriously hard times. We’ve had a wonderful year, and I’m so grateful we’re all still here.

I’m thankful, too, for curiosity.

And wonderful friends to share a potentially-lonely holiday with.

And love.

It’s trite. It’s overdone. But really, I’d like to know. What are you thankful for?

1. Triscuits are not an interior design element.
2. Egg salad is not a fashion accessory.
3. When you are so exhausted you can no longer walk, the solution is not ‘try to nurse, talk, and do acrobatics on the bed all at the same time’.
4. The solution is to cuddle up with me and sleep.
5. Water bottle caps are not food.
6. The world will not end if you stop smearing the floor with yogurt.
7. I neither desire nor require assistance when cleaning your ass.
8. Nursing is, in fact, a stationary activity.
9. This laptop does not belong to you.
10. I am never trying to poison you.

Love,

Mom.

I know that the 25-year-old me would have a hard time believing that this is fulfilling, or even enjoyable. It’s a testament to how much I’ve changed, I suppose.

*****

I had the chance yesterday to marvel once more at this paradise we’ve come to. We live where the vegetables come from, and boy are we enjoying it.

That’s my haul from the local farmers’ market yesterday. Heirloom everything, fresh cranberry beans, the most amazing lettuces, fresh sorrel, fresh baby collards and Russian kale… it’s unbelievable and I feel so lucky.

I hope you are all well, and enjoying your own time of bounty and happiness.