Comments on: Thanks http://www.thezogs.com/blog/2007/11/23/thanks/ Us. Life. More baby pictures than you can shake a stick at. Thu, 02 Apr 2009 19:38:09 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Chrysoula http://www.thezogs.com/blog/2007/11/23/thanks/comment-page-1/#comment-956 Chrysoula Tue, 27 Nov 2007 03:19:02 +0000 http://www.thezogs.com/blog/2007/11/23/thanks/#comment-956 My job made me move away from my entire support structure (or join the legions of unemployed Bay Area tech geeks). My boyfriend was severely depressed and unemployed and dependent. I was very, very alone, and in a new job that didn't have any time for me. I spent the first few months waiting for somebody to notice me and give me some work to do. There was a perk to moving. We rented a house, and I got a dog, which I'd been dreaming of since I left college. And for a year after that move, everytime anybody asked me how I was, I'd say, "I have a dog!" I couldn't afford my life, with the money I spent to distract Kevin from his depression, and the rent I was paying on the house so I could have a dog, and the uninsured dental bills, but I had her and I loved her and when I hated my life and the choices I'd made and the days and nights when worry gnawed my soul in two, I'd think about my dog. And no, that didn't make the bad time anything like good. But in general, I suppose my personal guideline is 'enjoy other peoples' joy when my own is scarce'. In a strange reflection, more than once I've found myself thinking, "I have a baby! (and two dogs)" I think it's in response to a much sharper, more occasional despair (for which I still blame hormones). I think that was also the point in time that I wrote the phrase 'hope is the first magic' (though not inspired by myself). Hope that the world (and one's life) will someday be different is what keeps you going, crawling through each day to the next, and by keeping going, day to day, and being aware of opportunities, things do eventually become different. It's magic! My thoughts on hope are a lot more complicated these days, but I still think it's a good thing to remind myself of when I need to find the motivation to keep on going. My job made me move away from my entire support structure (or join the legions of unemployed Bay Area tech geeks). My boyfriend was severely depressed and unemployed and dependent. I was very, very alone, and in a new job that didn’t have any time for me. I spent the first few months waiting for somebody to notice me and give me some work to do.

There was a perk to moving. We rented a house, and I got a dog, which I’d been dreaming of since I left college.

And for a year after that move, everytime anybody asked me how I was, I’d say, “I have a dog!” I couldn’t afford my life, with the money I spent to distract Kevin from his depression, and the rent I was paying on the house so I could have a dog, and the uninsured dental bills, but I had her and I loved her and when I hated my life and the choices I’d made and the days and nights when worry gnawed my soul in two, I’d think about my dog.

And no, that didn’t make the bad time anything like good.

But in general, I suppose my personal guideline is ‘enjoy other peoples’ joy when my own is scarce’.

In a strange reflection, more than once I’ve found myself thinking, “I have a baby! (and two dogs)” I think it’s in response to a much sharper, more occasional despair (for which I still blame hormones).

I think that was also the point in time that I wrote the phrase ‘hope is the first magic’ (though not inspired by myself). Hope that the world (and one’s life) will someday be different is what keeps you going, crawling through each day to the next, and by keeping going, day to day, and being aware of opportunities, things do eventually become different. It’s magic!

My thoughts on hope are a lot more complicated these days, but I still think it’s a good thing to remind myself of when I need to find the motivation to keep on going.

]]> By: Bev http://www.thezogs.com/blog/2007/11/23/thanks/comment-page-1/#comment-955 Bev Mon, 26 Nov 2007 15:33:31 +0000 http://www.thezogs.com/blog/2007/11/23/thanks/#comment-955 One of the things I do when I am down is think of the joy your very being brings me. You and Jon and Jacob are simply FUN PEOPLE--it comes naturally (from my perspective). You see the humor in life without losing the serious parts. I feel blessed that I have you in my life. I look back at my life when I was your age and remember how much work it was and admire the way you shoulder "things". Hang on to the fact there is nothing you can not work out, nothing you can not live through and nothing that you, all together, will not be stronger and better for when the cloud passes. And the cloud will pass as you deal with it. Your stage of life IS hard. Know it, accept it and go for it! (And made worse by the passing of so many loved ones. That is so unfair!) We love you very much and my only gift to you is my belief in you, my belief that you are all made of the right stuff and as life changes, so do the dreams, but never the love... Please feel our love and admiration. We could not be prouder of you than we are right now to see how you are handling a very difficult time. Allow yourself to feel bad for a few minutes on a day that you need to, then look at how truly rich your lives are. I know,I know,I'm getting close to preaching. Sorry. I am reminded of soemthing Katharine said on a down, demanding day, "Yes, this is hard, but we have a pretty darn good life. Start focusing on that!" I am, of course, paraphrasing. The quality of your life is directly related to the quality of your thoughts. And...sometimes if those blues just don't go away, seriously consider medication. I helps me... Meds and positive focus that's not a bad combination! :-) Love, Bev One of the things I do when I am down is think of the joy your very being brings me. You and Jon and Jacob are simply FUN PEOPLE–it comes naturally (from my perspective). You see the humor in life without losing the serious parts. I feel blessed that I have you in my life.

I look back at my life when I was your age and remember how much work it was and admire the way you shoulder “things”. Hang on to the fact there is nothing you can not work out, nothing you can not live through and nothing that you, all together, will not be stronger and better for when the cloud passes. And the cloud will pass as you deal with it. Your stage of life IS hard. Know it, accept it and go for it! (And made worse by the passing of so many loved ones. That is so unfair!)

We love you very much and my only gift to you is my belief in you, my belief that you are all made of the right stuff and as life changes, so do the dreams, but never the love… Please feel our love and admiration. We could not be prouder of you than we are right now to see how you are handling a very difficult time.

Allow yourself to feel bad for a few minutes on a day that you need to, then look at how truly rich your lives are. I know,I know,I’m getting close to preaching. Sorry.

I am reminded of soemthing Katharine said on a down, demanding day, “Yes, this is hard, but we have a pretty darn good life. Start focusing on that!” I am, of course, paraphrasing.

The quality of your life is directly related to the quality of your thoughts. And…sometimes if those blues just don’t go away, seriously consider medication. I helps me… Meds and positive focus that’s not a bad combination! :-)

Love, Bev

]]> By: Betty http://www.thezogs.com/blog/2007/11/23/thanks/comment-page-1/#comment-954 Betty Sun, 25 Nov 2007 01:32:05 +0000 http://www.thezogs.com/blog/2007/11/23/thanks/#comment-954 One thing that has helped me is to keep a gratitude journal. When I am having trouble focusing on the good things in my life, at the end of each day I list 3 things I was grateful for that day. Some days it's a stretch to find 3. Other days it isn't. I find it helps focus on looking for the good in situations. Please remember that feeling down on occasion is normal. But don't be afraid to seek help if the blues just won't quit. Hang in there! There is always a light at the end of the tunnel-even if it's too dark to see it now, it is there! One thing that has helped me is to keep a gratitude journal. When I am having trouble focusing on the good things in my life, at the end of each day I list 3 things I was grateful for that day. Some days it’s a stretch to find 3. Other days it isn’t. I find it helps focus on looking for the good in situations. Please remember that feeling down on occasion is normal. But don’t be afraid to seek help if the blues just won’t quit. Hang in there! There is always a light at the end of the tunnel-even if it’s too dark to see it now, it is there!

]]> By: Beth http://www.thezogs.com/blog/2007/11/23/thanks/comment-page-1/#comment-953 Beth Sat, 24 Nov 2007 14:57:36 +0000 http://www.thezogs.com/blog/2007/11/23/thanks/#comment-953 I use a denial-repression combo: I drop everything and get in a steamy-to-the-point-of-demanding-attention bathtub and soak. Here's why it has to be so damned hot - otherwise I just brood in there. If it's hot enough, I have to focus on breathing, cooling my limbs alternately, and, once the water cools enough, enjoying the bliss of truly relaxed muscles. I also try to exercise because it releases endorphines, and have a glass or two of red wine because I'm a happy drunk and can't sulk with a good buzz on. Then, when life is sunnier, I can face the darker parts of my situation one at a time. With bath and booze before each new issue, of course. I use a denial-repression combo: I drop everything and get in a steamy-to-the-point-of-demanding-attention bathtub and soak. Here’s why it has to be so damned hot – otherwise I just brood in there. If it’s hot enough, I have to focus on breathing, cooling my limbs alternately, and, once the water cools enough, enjoying the bliss of truly relaxed muscles. I also try to exercise because it releases endorphines, and have a glass or two of red wine because I’m a happy drunk and can’t sulk with a good buzz on. Then, when life is sunnier, I can face the darker parts of my situation one at a time. With bath and booze before each new issue, of course.

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