The Zog Blog

Son, I love you more than words can say. Nevertheless, here are ten things that I really wish you’d hurry up and learn.

1. Triscuits are not an interior design element.
2. Egg salad is not a fashion accessory.
3. When you are so exhausted you can no longer walk, the solution is not ‘try to nurse, talk, and do acrobatics on the bed all at the same time’.
4. The solution is to cuddle up with me and sleep.
5. Water bottle caps are not food.
6. The world will not end if you stop smearing the floor with yogurt.
7. I neither desire nor require assistance when cleaning your ass.
8. Nursing is, in fact, a stationary activity.
9. This laptop does not belong to you.
10. I am never trying to poison you.

Love,

Mom.

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